What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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