sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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