you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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