Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
