That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
