It's just like the Real World with babies
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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