Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
