we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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