For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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