you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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