Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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