I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
