Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
