Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
