I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
