Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
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