Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
