Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
he was CRYING into my vagina
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
