Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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