from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
