so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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