My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
