ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
