i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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