so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
she looked like the before picture.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
