at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
