Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
