We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
