I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
