I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
