Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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