cat food counts as protein by the way
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
