What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
