I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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