you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
