well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
