Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
