Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
