There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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