Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
