I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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