remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
