She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
