Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
