i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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