You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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