Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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