I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
