More tranny stories later!
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
