I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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