maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
