Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
