Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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