So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
