I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
