My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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